Steffan Schpunk

Sacha's new character

(Steffan is outside EvilFest - A music event in the UK)

Steffan - Entschuldigung. We're here at the coolest new phenomenon in Britain. It's being evil. We're here at EvilFest! It's going to be crazy. We're going to scheisse, we're going to see blood, we're going to see schpunken! I can't wait! Click for sound

(Cuts to backstage Steffan is with an English Punk band)

Steffan - I am with GunDog which is one of the new crazy punk bands...Is it?

Band Member 1 - Punk, hardcore sort of (inaudible word) stuff

Steffan - (looks confused) What?

Steffan - There is a band in Austria called Schpunk. Where they...I am with GunDog!

BM 2 - What's that mean?

Steffan - It means like to... (Steffan gestures to his groin)

BM 1 - Wank?

Steffan - Yeah. And they are crazy the people in charge. Do you do that?

BM 3 - No, no. I think if you are going on stage to play music, you play music. You don't do fuck all else.

Steffan - You would never have a wanking on stage?

BM 3 - I believe masturbation is a personal thing.

BM 1 - Look, if you're going to have a wank, you have a wank in the privacy of your own home. You know what I mean? You don't want to wank on stage because, imagine if your mother saw the gig.

BM 3 - You've got a really dyed sort of (points to Steffan's moustache)... Are you gay?

Bender's moustacheSteffan - Yeah

BM 3 - Ohhh No!

Steffan - So what's wrong with my? (Steffan points to his bleached blonde moustache)

BM 3 - Your moustache it's a bender's moustache!

Steffan - What is a bender?

BM 3 - A bender is a gay man.

Steffan - Oh great! Yeah! Click for sound

BM 3 - You shouldn't be saying "Oh Great"

(BM 3 is giving a Nazi salute to the camera)Crazy guys

BM 1 - People of Austria, buy the GunDog album

Steffan - What's it called?

BM 1 - It's called "They who laugh last" (more Nazi salutes from BM 3) It's on Side Kicks Records, A Swedish record label. And buy the album, you'll like it.

Steffan - Ok great. Thank you. Also Spritzer with GunDog!!!

BM 3 - Grhaaaaaaahhhhh

Steffan - Wow you're crazy!

(EvilFest has finished and Steffan is outside talking to a skinhead who looks a little drunk)

Steffan - So what's your name?

Skinhead - Paul

Steffan - Great. And you're sitting outside EvilFest?

Skinhead- Yeah.

Steffan - Are you evil?

Skinhead - Yeah. I suppose I am. Yeah.

Steffan - What's the most evil thing you've done?

Are you evil?Skinhead - Walked across the beer tent at Madness.

Steffan - You've walked in the tent of the bear?

Skinhead - Yeah that's about it.

Steffan - Full of bears?

Skinhead - More or less yeah.

Steffan - And what did you do to the bears?

Skinhead - What do you mean what did I do to the bears? What you fucking going on about? Click for sound

Steffan - What do you mean? You were in a bear tent?

Skinhead - No no I walked across a beer tent. Walked. Walked.

Steffan - Do you do the dancing with everyone else where everyone else has their t-shirt off?

Skinhead - I do, yeah I do.

Steffan - And does it excite you?

Skinhead - Yeah

Steffan - Does it make you hard?

Skinhead - Yeah

Steffan - Have you ever schpunked from it?

Skinhead - Pardon

Steffan - Have you ever schpunked from it?

Skinhead - Have I ever WHAT?

Steffan - Do you think that there are any skinheads that aren't gay?

Skinhead - (Looks away in disgust) Yes - Because I am not gay anywayDefinitely gay!

Steffan - Great well where do you live?

Skinhead- Aylsebury, Buckinghamshire.

Steffan - And do you have a message for Austria's Gay Community?

Skinhead - (Looks completely confused) Fucking what?

Steffan - Do you have a message for Austria's Gay Community?

Skinhead - Yeah. Don't be fucking gay! Click for sound

Steffan - Ok great thanks

(Skinhead leaves)

Steffan - (Quietly to the camera) Definitely gay!

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