Borat's Guide To Politics

(Borat is standing on a beach in front of a pier)

Borat - Jagshemash. Pepsi Max. In Kazakhstan, we fight for sixty year to get rid of Communism. Here in England, after eighteen year of rule by Maggie Thatcher and other English Gentlemen they put in a Communist. I come here to Bournemouth, to sunny seaside to see why politics fifty year behind Kazakhstan. Chenk yeu.

(Borat is at a conference. He is talking to a gentleman who represents an action party for peace)

Gentleman - What I am is a Vice Chairman of the World Disarmament Campaign.

Borat - Oh Yes.

Gentleman - And if you want to talk about that then I would be very happy to do so.

Borat - Yes. It is to do with a weapon?

Gentleman - Yes Yes.

Borat - You would like to buy weapon from...

Gentleman - No no. I do not wish to buy weapons. I want to get rid of weapons.

Borat - You want to sell weapon to Kazakhstan?

Gentleman - No no. Certainly not. I do not wish to sell weapons to anybody!

Borat - So England will not buy any nuclear weapons from Kazakhstan?

Gentleman - Well... errr... I don't think England would buy nuclear... Kazakhstan does not have nuclear weapons does it?

(Borat looks to the camera quite seriously)

Borat - Please stop the interview here.

(Borat is sitting with a man from the Institute of Directors to "find out more about Capitalism")

Borat - I am here with my friend Richard Baron from the Institute of Director. He is Deputy Head of Policy Unit and he will explain, please, British Economy. Hello.

Richard - Hello

Borat - It is very nice for you to let me be here.

Richard - It is a great pleasure

Borat - I read in a newspaper. I read about fat cat. What is fat cat? We like very much.

Richard - A fat cat is the name the newspapers use for a director of a company. Usually a director of a very big company who gets paid millions.

Borat - Yes. And what is the problem?

Richard - The problem is that it makes other people very jealous.

Borat - But a boss should get paid more because he is a superior to... In Kazakhstan we say "A rat is not the same... like a big... horse". You know they are two different... So a worker and a boss is two different race.

Richard - The fact that the bosses get paid more can be good to motivate everybody...

Borat - What does mean?

Richard - All of the "rats" want to grow into "horses".

Borat - Err no. It is not possible

Richard - They work hard.

Borat - A rat can never be a horse.

Richard - If he works very hard.

Borat - Err no.

Borat - And why they call it with a cat?

Richard - I don't... Because it rhymes. In English. Fat because they have got so much...

Borat - (Loudly) Fat Cat.

Richard - If they said "Fat Horse" or "Fat Hog" it wouldn't sound so good in English.

Borat - What if you call him "Fat Hat".

Richard - Errr... Well nobody has ever tried that yet. Because hats don't eat. Cats do eat.

Borat - (Borat pauses whilst understanding this logic) It's strange.

Richard - It is strange. Languages are often strange.

Borat - Why do they not say "Fat Boss"?

Richard - Because it doesn't rhyme. "Fat Cat", Fat Boss", it is a different sound. Yes? Like poetry? A little bit of poetry.

(The interview then ends and Borat offers his cheek to be kissed. Richard Baron kisses Borat on both cheeks and appears to quite enjoy this)

Borat - My friend

Richard - My friend too.

Borat - You're nice.

(Borat is now outside a large conference centre)

Borat - Chenk yeu. Now I come to conference of business industry. I pray I meet the fat cats.

(Borat is then shown inside the conference centre at the British Airways stand)

Borat - What is your name please?

Colin - My name is Colin Marshall.

Borat - Yes. And you are from which company?

Colin - I'm the chairman of British Airways.

Borat - From British Airways. Ahhh it is fantastic! In Kazakhstan we like very much British Airways.

Colin - Good good.

Borat - We hope you will make... come to Kazakhstan? A deal

(Colin hesitates)

Borat - A deal? (Borat spits on his hand and then offers it to the chairman).

Colin - I hope so one day (Colin reluctantly shakes Borat's hand - Borat then proceeds to kiss him on the cheek and then give him a hearty cuddle).

Borat - Chenk yeu.

Colin - Thank you.

(Borat is then shown interviewing a representative of what appears to be a company called Victoria Wyatt)

Borat - Do you employ everyone in your company?

Man - We employ everybody. Yes.

Borat - Do you employ women?

Man - Yes. Absolutely.

Borat - You employ? But why?

Man - What?

Borat - But why?

Man - Because they have got jobs to do.

(Borat finally is shown sitting next to Lord Solday in front of a window in expensive looking room)

Borat - Hello Lord Solday.

Lord S - Good morning.

Borat - It is very nice to meet you.

Lord S - It is very nice to meet yourself.

Borat - You are a real Lord?

Lord S - That's right.

(Borat proceeds to bow his head low almost to the Lord's lap to show respect)

Borat - It is a very honour for me to meet you.

Lord S - Thank you.

Borat - And what different type of Lord is there?

Lord S - Well there is two kinds. Hereditary and there is a Life Peer.

Borat - Somebody yesterday called me... they say I am a gay lord. It is true?

Lord S - I errr.... That has nothing to do with homosexuality I suppose?

Borat - We're in my hotel. There is a man, I have a drink with him. And he says, "Thank you. You are a real gay lord". And I say, "Thank you very much".

(Borat changes subject)

Borat - We like very much the Queen. Do you know her?

Lord S - I have been presented to her once.

Borat - The Queen, she is a beautiful woman.

Lord S - Oh indeed yes.

Borat - She is very very very beautiful. Very sexy. No?

Lord S - Well I wouldn't like to use that popular adjective about her.

Borat - But we say... Very... You would like to be with her?

Lord S - That's right.

Borat - I have a picture of her in my room.

Borat  - In my country we love England Great Britain. We love Queen Victoria, Winston Churchill, Kenny Dalglish, Spice Girl. But we do not like Europe. Why you want to join with Europe?

Lord S - I would have thought that it was the wrong power base to join to. Yes.

Borat - Some of the country has a very strange culture.

Lord S - Yes. Some countries do I suppose. I don't know.

Borat - In France they eat the cheese (Borat looks at the Lord in disbelief).

Lord S - They...

Borat - They eat the cheese. From milk! All the time they eat the cheese.

Lord S - Oh yes, they eat the cheeses Camembert and all of that. (The picture switches to Borat laughing).

(Borat changes subject)

Borat - What is a single mother?

Lord S - A single mother is someone who has a child and the husband isn't there.

Borat - Why do they allow this to happen?

Lord S - (mutters) I see. Well how are you suggesting they should stop it?

Borat - In Kazakhstan, under Communism, because suddenly they were many many mother with bastard. They instruct, in Communism, they instruct men to make love... only to the bottom. You think they should do this here?

Lord S - Love to what?

Borat - If she a virgin you make love to the bottom. Errr... To the bottom (Borat bends slightly to indicate what the word "bottom" means).

Lord S - Oh I see.

Borat - You think they should do this here?

Lord S - I don't know - it sounds a bit unnatural doesn't it?

(The interview draws to a close)

Borat - Do you like me?

Lord S - Yes. You can see from the outside you are probably no better than I.

Borat - I like you too. It is a very nice to meet you Lord.

Lord S - Thank you very much.

(Borat again bows his head in respect)