Borat's Guide To English Gentlemen

(Borat standing inside a beautiful shopping arcade.)

Borat - Check with, Jagshemash. Hello, I like you. Everybody say, "Mad Dog and English Gentleman go dance in the midnight sun". That's why I come to England to find out what make English Gentleman, English Gentleman. Check with.

(Borat introduces himself to a well spoken elderly man in a Tailor Shop)

Borat - Hello

Tailor - Borat, how are you?

Borat - Very nice to see you.

Borat - If man come in here with many bodyguard, rich, with beautiful lady with (mumbled) shaved pussy, with gold, you will serve him?

Tailor - Yes, oh yes.

(In the following scene the Tailor is measuring Borat for a pair of suit pants - the Tailor measures his outside leg and then reaches for Borat's belt of his trousers.)

Borat - (Hesitant) What are you doing?

Tailor - Measuring your leg. (He then proceeds to move the tape measure to the inside of Borat's legs)

Borat - (Pushing his hands away) What do you do?

Tailor - Measuring your leg.

Borat - (Pulls away) You try to touch... eh... (gestures to his groin).

Tailor - I don't try to do anything all I do is try to measure your leg.

Borat - (Goes close to the Tailor and whispers in his ear) You are not a... homosexual?

Tailor - What? - Sorry?

Borat - You're not a...

Tailor - (Flustered) I don't think so. You better ask my wife.

Borat - OK - I'm sorry I'm sorry - I thought you... touch my...

Tailor - No problem no problem.

Borat - No problem. Please you can touch!

Borat - To be English Gentleman I need English Lady. This why I meet Mrs Heskell who teach me how to flirt. So I can do a sex with English girl.

(Cuts to Borat sitting next to Mrs Heskell, an attractive plumpish woman, in a room)

Borat - Who come to learn to flirt?

Mrs Heskell - Well, people like you. (She touches his arm and giggles. Borat smiles back and giggles)

Mrs Heskell - You see, I just had to do that (she touches his arm) and you went flirty!

Borat - Yes I like!

Mrs Heskell - You see when you meet someone - you look around them and pick something you can compliment them on. So if you look at me now, think about something you like about me and just... say...

Borat - Errrrrr... You have nice tits! 

(Mrs Heskell bursts out laughing)

Borat - But why you laugh? Tits? (Borat gestures to his chest) Tits?

Mrs Heskell - Tits? I have nice... Is that the kind of compliment you would give to somebody?

Mrs Heskell - Flirting is a prelude to meeting somebody.

Borat - What is prelude?

Mrs Heskell - It is a beginning. It is a way you can meet someone and decide whether you want to spend more time with them.

Borat - After how many minutes can I say, "Hello do you want to do with the sex please?"

(Borat meets Peter Stringfellow (famous English nightclub owner with reputation of 'liking the ladies'))

Borat - Hello Borat.

Stringfellow - Hello nice to meet you.

Borat - Very nice to meet you.

Borat - You have a Gentleman Club?

Stringfellow - Yes. Now. The idea of my Gentleman's Club has a different connotation.

Borat - In Kazakhstan we have a club (Borat indicates to a badge on his lapel) where you go, and have other men, they come with friends, they watch, they talk, they do business, they watch a porno, with a man and a woman, we see one with a shaven pussy. Very exciting to see... Is something to see... (Stringfellow falls about laughing) Why you laugh? Why you laugh? (more seriously) You laugh at me? I'm a twit?

(Peter Stringfellow takes Borat to see his jacuzzi)

Borat - This?

Stringfellow - Jacuzzi.

Borat - It... (indicates bubbles coming from the side)

Stringfellow - That's right.

Borat - It is a fantastic. And what is.. you have with girl?

Stringfellow - Of course.

Borat - What is most number of people you have?

Stringfellow - Four is comfortable. Six is a crowd.

Borat - Now I go to see English Club.

(Borat introduces himself to the secretary of this particular English Club. A bald chap maybe in his 60s)

Mike - I'm Mike Evans. The club secretary of the club.

Borat - Hello.

Mike - This is the library.

Borat - It's very beautiful room.

Borat - Do you ever throw out member?

Mike - It has been know to happen. Yes.

Borat - If a man get very... drink... And do a dirt... (Borat indicates to his backside)

Mike - Oh no, we wouldn't like that at all.

Borat - You throw out?

Mike - Yes.

Borat - And what if a man wants to make love to a man's bottom?

Mike - We certainly don't approve of that at all.

Borat - We think he is wrong. Maybe he is...

Mike - We do as well. Homosexuality is certainly not encouraged in the club.

Borat - So Gentleman is not homosexual?

Mike - Definitely not.

(Borat is then introduced to a large middle aged chap)

Borat - And you have been to Stringfellows?

Gentleman - No

Borat - It is fun because you have the woman with the big... how you say?

Mike - (Mike joins in from off shot) Mammory glands. Mammory glands is the word you are looking for.

Gentleman - Or breasts.

Borat - Breasts, breasts, like errr... tits?

Gentleman - Tits, not a Gentleman's word.

Borat - They have girl there - stands like this (Borat indicates a girl standing with large breasts).

Mike - I'm sure you have them in Kazakhstan as well.

Borat - We have... but they (Borat indicates his imaginary breasts drooping downwards).

Gentleman - Well you mustn't wrestle them so much - clearly you have made them drop.

Borat - But the Tazakh girl is very big.

Mike - So you like those?

Borat - But the Tazakh... with tiny tiny tiny (Borat indicates to his nipples).

Mike - We say horses for courses!

Borat - No we do not do it with horses.

Mike - No it is...

Borat - We do not like with the...

Gentleman - No it is an expression. It means some people like one sort of thing some people like another. English idiom.

Borat - People who like animals to make love is a sick!

Mike - Very sick.

Gentleman - It's not what he meant.